Previsões para um 2012 bem hipster

Lúcio Ribeiro


* 2012 começando, tempo para reflexões da vida, resoluções novas e, o mais legal, para dar uns chutes de adivinhação sobre o que pode/deve ocorrer neste ano ''na nossa área'': a da música independente. Para poupar nosso trabalho, o site gaúcho MYCOOL visitou uma macumbeira indie, juntou com as previsões do impagável site americano Hispter Runoff e revelou que, em 2012, vai acontecer o seguinte:

– 80% das bandas promissoras que lançaram um bom disco de estreia vão produzir um segundo disco irrelevante.

– Uma banda com inúmeros fãs xiitas vai receber uma nota medíocre no Pitchfork e eles vão xingar muito no twitter.

– Algum casal indie-fofura vai se separar e os fãs vão lamentar, enquanto os outros vão comemorar que ele/ela está solteiro(a).

– Os hipsters vão defender o Michel Teló dos críticos até outro hit medíocre viralizar e ninguém mais lembrar do Michel Teló.

– Alguma banda coxinha vai lançar um vídeo muito bem trabalhado pra uma canção insuportável e desembocar no Faustão.

– Lana Del Rey vai lançar o disco mais amado e odiado do ano.

– Lana Del Rey vai fazer o disco do ano segundo a Rolling Stone, o terceiro melhor disco do ano segundo na NME e tirar uma nota medíocre no Pitchfork.

– Lana Del Rey morre por 15 minutos, até as pessoas descobrirem que é um boato.

– Lana Del Rey vai namorar um ator canastrão europeu que tem o dobro da idade dela.

– Lana Del Rey vai tirar fotos conceituais pagando peitinho clicadas por Terry Richardson.

– Lana Del Rey vai fazer qualquer coisa irrelevante e virar notícia.

– Lana Del Rey vai atacar de DJ nas baladas mundo afora.

– Michel Teló vai atacar de DJ nas baladas mundo afora.

– As piadas de “atacar de DJ” vão atacar de DJ nas baladas mundo afora.

– Bon Iver vai ganhar o Grammy.

– Banksy vai ser desmascarado.

– Lúcio Ribeiro vai continuar sendo alvo de hipsters que leem tudo que ele escreve no Popload só para xingar nos comentários.

– Lúcio Ribeiro vai confirmar shows que não vão rolar.

– Skrillex vai lançar um single em parceria com o David Guetta.

– Skrillex vai lançar um disco medíocre que vai ser sucesso de vendas.

– Vai surgir uma “nova joia” na MPB-indie que todos os críticos vão chamar de coxinha.

– Todo mundo vai eleger qualquer nova banda indie que não use sintetizadores como “a salvação do rock”.

– Todo mundo vai se decepcionar porque não vai encontrar a salvação do rock em 2012.

– Todo mundo vai começar a prestar atenção em um rapaz de 14 anos que constrói os próprios samplers e sintetizadores para fazer música de vanguarda.

– A NME vai apostar em outra banda que quer ser o Oasis, até eles lançarem o disco e todo mundo esquecer que eles existem.

– O festival Planeta Terra vai anunciar nomes supervalorizados como headliners que vão lotar o main stage, enquanto os melhores shows do festival vão rolar no indie stage para 47 pessoas.

– O Lollapallooza BR vai ser conturbado.

– Todo mundo vai reclamar no twitter da fila, estrutura e transportes do Lolla pelo iPhone na hora de assistir os shows.

– Todo mundo vai dizer que o Foo Fighters fez “o show do ano”.

– Todos os hipsters vão largar o Facebook e migrar pro Google +.

– Vão começar as reclamações da “orkutização do Google +”.

– O Google vai inventar uma nova rede social falhada.

– O Brasil vai ter o ano mais rico em atrações estrangeiras da história, mas os gaúchos vão continuar reclamando dos preços dos ingressos.

– Lady Gaga vai virar atriz.

– Florence vai virar a nova Cher.

– O CSS vai acabar.

– Vão surgir 37 novos “mistura de Passion Pit com MGMT”.

– O The Killers vai lançar um disco novo que todo mundo vai detonar, mas secretamente ouvir todo dia.

– Kanye West e Jay-Z vão confirmar shows no Brasil, mas cancelar posteriormente.

– Alguma banda pedante de britpop que todo mundo ama incondicionalmente vai voltar e lançar um disco fracassado.

– O XX vai lançar um novo disco melhor que o debut, mas os fãs xiitas não vão gostar.

– Alguns críticos vão ficar de olho em uma nova cena e apostar que dela vai sair “o novo Strokes”, mas vão esquecer disso depois de dois meses.

– Os Strokes vão acabar (de novo).

– O Indie Rock vai morrer de vez.

– Os blogs vão morrer.

** Peguei apenas algumas das previsões. Para saber t-u-d-o que vai acontecer em 2012, segundo o MyCool, tem que ir até o site deles.



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